Today, I shed tears for fears.
I went to the dentist to have one of my lower molars extracted.
I was already experiencing unbearable pain.
I couldn't eat.
Because of the excruciating pain, I wanted to "shout, shout, and let it all out."
I always shed tears when I go to the dentist.
I don't cry.
Tears just roll down my side cheeks, by themselves.
I have dental trauma.
After the extraction, the dentist noticed the tears.
"They're tears for fears, doc," I said.
I wouldn't know if it is the anxiety or the tension I feel, that draws tears from my eyes.
When I seat in the chair, I imagine sitting in an electric chair.
I tremble, even without any electricity.
I then embark on episodes of anticipated fear.
I anticipate horrific pain.
When a small tinge of pain comes, I imagine it getting worse, my whole body becomes stiff.
At one point, I felt the dentist already removing the molar, using what I envisioned was a Philips screw driver.
"I'm screwed(literally)!" I said to myself.
Then suddenly a nerve-wracking pain streamed all over my head.
"Oh, it's the nerve," the dentist said.
"We'll inject more anisthetic," he said.
Good thing the dentist was patient, calm, and reassuring.
I have had at least two traumatic experiences with dentists in the past.
One was during grade school.
The second was in college when I experienced a severely painful extraction.
The trauma hasn't left.
Going to the dentist, to me, is like embacing a necessary evil, although there is nothing evil about it.
I hope someday I will overcome this fear...hopefully before I run out of teeth.
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